Conversations

Him: I have a question for you. What are you constantly wiping on your butt?
Her: What kind of a riddle is this?
Him: No, really. What are you always wiping on your butt?
Her: I don't know...toilet paper? Who taught you this one, a five year old?
Him: I'm being serious. Go look in the mirror. What is that handprint from?!
Her: Oh my gosh... It's the diaper cream. The diaper cream! I always wipe my hands on my pants. How long has this been going on?!
Him: I dunno...going on a year and a half now, I guess.

*long pause*

Him: What's the matter?
Her: I'm just thinking about all those trips to Target... All. Those. Trips. To. Target.




The Midwife: So, you're thinking about Mirena. Are you done having kids?
Her: Oh no. Just a little pause.
The Midwife: For how long?
Her: Just until my 30th birthday. I really want to be able to enjoy a few drinks and wear my skinny jeans at the party.
The Midwife: The party? Is it coming up soon?
Her: Kind of...in about two years and 9 days.
The Midwife: Not that you're counting...
Her: No. Not counting down at all.
The Midwife: I think you're 30th birthday is getting more planning consideration than either of the kids.
Her: Perhaps just a tad.